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Toxic is the right word. But I do believe in modern prophets and that God gives no commandment that is not for our own happiness. I feel very discouraged. It was actually causing more of a rift than bringing us together. She's really attractive, too. How will your spouse feel about that in 20 years.
I'm a Mormon girl in love with an amazing non-Mormon man. If you want to go against that trend, one of you will almost certainly change perspective. I love my job very much and it has give me many joys, but stimultaneus many hours apart from my children, my husband and my mother when there is a need. But you can't make her think about the numerous facts that disprove Mormonism. The important thing is doing it together. Maybe more convinced than you are. I married for companionship but now all I do is wait for him to stop working, to come home, to call me back, to have time, which is hardly ever. Do you schedule time in to talk and see each other. It may change your relationship to them forever.